Starting Off!
I'm not completely sure why I'm starting this blog. Maybe it's so that whomever would happen upon the words on my page could walk away encouraged, or maybe could relate. Maybe it's simply because God has been really teaching and stretching my heart up to this point, or maybe it's really because I think this blog will be something I can use for my mind to finally see what my God has been teaching my heart...holistically it seems. In any case, God has completely transformed my life this past year, and I am on this ride that I would never have considered I would be on a year previous to this moment.
But I can't start this blog with what's happening now, because this journey started this summer, and without going back to July, I wouldn't have gotten the title for my blog.
It started in Spring when I received an email that I had an oppurtunity to go to Haiti. And this oppurtunity rapidly started changing things for me. I mean it came out of no where. This oppurtunity wasn't geographically, financially, relationally, or realistically smart for what I considered I had planned for my future. But regardless, God had ideas about what was "smart for me and my future". So after months of conflict with my parents, and dealing with passport problems, I was boarding a plane to Haiti with six other people that would be experiencing an unfamiliar world right alongside me.
So, here are the entries from my journal from the day before I left to the day I woke up in America when I got back.
July 7, 2012
I never thought this day would come after every obstacle I have faced...from getting my passport, raising support, applying to go in the first place, to my biggest obstacle: my father being okay with it. But everything fell into place. And here I am, flying out tomorrow to the poorest third world country in the western hemisphere. Things do fall into place. I wish I could tell myself that three years ago. This is actually happening, and for the first time, I feel a different kind of satisfaction in my heart, the kind of contentment you feel when you are listening and doing what God calls you to. God hears. He has heard every prayer, hope, and dream that I have in my heart. I feel like I am going to burst. My heart is that full. I'm going to a place where the heart of Christ's kingdom lies. I'm going to look right into the heart of these people and see Jesus. I'm going to fall in love with these people, and realizing that? It's pretty overwhelming and exciting and scary all at the same time.
July 8, 2012
Wow. It's completely different here, but so much the same in so many ways. It's around ten thiry pm and I am sweating so bad. I don't know how I am going to be able to sleep in this heat! It's incredible here. We are staying at a local Haitian's home- a friend of Wilguens, who is trnaslating for us. I am learning so much from him. He has such a heart and passion for his country! The airplane ride here was short and the airport was manageable, a little hectic. We are definitely starting to feel what it's like to be white in a black culture. Everyone looks at you...it's just so strange to be on the other side of things and be the minority. But everyone has been so hospitable and generous to us. Wilguen's friend created a Haitian feast for us! Fried plantians, a beet salad, roasted chicken, a spicy rice blend, fried onions, and we had a taste of Corneau and Topika. We went to a youth group and it was incredible. The energy in their worship was so exciting...it was like you could feel the heart of God beating. We got to laugh and have fun with them and sometimes Wilguens would translate for us. There was a strange sense of oneness for us.
But our eyes have been opened to the glimpses of poverty that we have already seen. Small tents for big families, hunger etching itself into the bodies of many we see passing on the streets of Port-au-Prince, the troughs of garbage and waste winding through the city...it's awful. But Haiti has beautiful people, and we have just begun to experience the culture here. We are one. White. Black. American. Haitian. All races, all nationalities...I can feel the oneness and wholeness of God.
July 9, 2012
We woke up to hundreds of roosters crowing. First thing I said when I woke up was, "Well guys, that was our last good night of sleep for a while!" I can't imagine sleeping someplace hotter. We are also enjoying a probable nicer toilet than where we are headed as well. Port-au-Prince is a middle class city for the most part, but their middle class would be the poor in America.
We went to Wilguen's school where he teaches English. All of the students asked us questions about learning English, and America, and what we think of Haiti. It was so great being able to speak with them.
Afterwards, we packed up our things and said goodbye to our first home here. After waiting by the airport for an American who was joining a work group that we would be partnering with sometime, we hopped into the back of a pickup truck and traveled for two hours to the Oceanview Resort to meet up with Matt Jones, a founder of Poverty Resolutions. We took a five minute dip in the ocean and it was so salty that you didn't go under more than once. We ate this feast at the resort, and as extremely nice and great as it was, I was glad to be leaving. 
We got to the orphanage at dark and the kids swarmed around us. They were so excited and held onto us. My heart felt as if it would leap from its cage. Sleeping here, in the orphanage, laying on a mattress on a dusty floor, it's strange but I feel...safe, safe and at home in a sense. I have a feeling these orphans are going to steal my heart. I feel like this whole country is.July 10, 2012
I have fallen so in love with this place already. We dug a ditch and picked rocks with the other American group that's here and then we tye dyed shirts with the orphans. We went to Malwi with a Haitian Pastor who lives and works in that community. The first thing we saw was naked children playing and bathing in the dirty river, and then Pastor Gessner showed us a well that people dug with their bare hands...just so they have clean water for the community. It looked like a man could barely fit through it. He brought us to his church and told us how he has to walk seven hours some weekends to perform ceremonies for weddings and different celebrations in one of the villages that he ministers to. If that isn't what dedication looks like...
Full day at the orphanage. It was great. We worked with the other group and then just invested in the kids the rest of the day. I can't even begin to name all of the kids I have come to desparately love so easily. They have stolen my heart so quickly! Wedley and Rosekerry keep helping me to learn kreyole.
I had my first shower last night. I think you can't understand what we take for granted until you actually experience not having it. So in light of this hopeful people, I can only realize what I take for granted in a small way. So many memories and details that I won't bother your time with...only to say that I wish they didn't have to become memories. Sara Holton (another girl on this trip), Wilguens, and I stayed up really late last night just messing around and talking. I don't know if I've ever had so much fun and laughed so much.
I'm going to have such a hard time adjusting back to my life in America. and I have been here what? Three days?! Four? I feel like I have lived here forever. I wake every morning to roosters, and singing Haitians, and beating drums, and a beyond early sunrise.
It would be a hard life. But I don't want an easy one. If I wanted an easy life, I wouldn't be following Jesus.
July 12, 2012
Woke up to the usual roosters, drums, and early sun. We took motobikes up the mountain. It was crazy beautiful, and really scary and dangerous at the same time! I just can't get over how beautiful God created Haiti. Once we got to the top, we hiked to a school in a very rural village. Wilguens and the motobike drivers got the kids to do some songs and we sang and danced together. Just one of those times when you can't stop smiling.
We hiked to the village's water supply, which was a filthy spring that took a grueling forty five minutes of steep walking to get to. How many times do these people have to make that trip for water that might not even be good?
Then we descended down the mountain on foot, which turned into a five hour trip. Instead of going back to the orphanage to stay as usual, we were scheduled at the resort for a night, and that's where I caught a small glimpse of my world in this one. A world with running water and electricity (sometimes) and a toilet that flushes. I hated staying there. A lavish suite. Comfortable bed. Air conditioning. Tons of food. Guilty isn't the right word for how I felt. It just felt so wrong.
Wilguens went back to stay at the orphanage. I wanted so bad to go too.
July 13, 2012
July 14, 2012
We left this morning. Saying goodbye to those kids was probably one of the hardest moments in my life. Wedley was running around barefoot as usual, kicking the soccer ball around. I came up and explained to him that I was leaving. I picked him up for a hug and it seemed he dangled while I was just holding on, holding onto this little boy that had my heart in his hands. And after a while of just standing there holding him, he melted into my arms and it crushed every strength I thought I had left. He never gets that. He never has someone to hold him or tell him he's loved.
We took a long time with our goodbyes, and we finally had to leave to go back towards Port-au-Prince. After a few hours and with limited warning, Wilguens turned around to Sara and I and told us he had to go home and didn't know if we would see each other again. He said, "Just have faith" and we will see each other again. So I did. We spent the day at a different orphanage.
Evening arrived and Matt Jones informed us that we would be staying with Wilguens, at the home where we stayed the first night. And when I saw him, it was probably one of those moments so full of joy that you can't really describe.
Today was the day of final goodbyes. We all said goodbye to Wilguens at the airport. Saying goodbye to my Haitian friend that I learned and loved so much with, it was super hard, and that's all I can really say about it.
I'm on the plane right now, flying back to America. It feels so wrong in my heart. I just keep thinking about how God has been holding my hand this entire week, showing me His kingdom, His plan. He showed me His creation and His love.
My Wedley. Ah that little boy. My heart aches. I physically cannot bear the thought of not hearing him call, "Cotney!" tomorrow. It's strange how much my heart yearns for that little boy. I definitely cannot imagine God not using me in a ministry where kids are involved. I fell in love with every kid I met in Haiti, every child at the school, at the orphanage, in the villages, in the mountains...
And amidst Wilguen's heart and passion and love that he has, he also brought something incredible to the table. It started when he was adamantly disheartened that we were making him ride on the motobike with us, and he said, "Oh well, ill just have faith". It may have started as a joke, but it came to mean much much more to me, and it's something so simple that everyone seems to miss. Haiti showed me that trusting God is knowing that He will do something, not to simply hope that He will. Just Have Faith. I think Haiti understands that more than I can ever know. And really? It's all i need.
